How to be a Demigod (sort of)!
by Storm-Eyes-Osprey
Summary: Ever wanted to be a Demigod? well now you can (sort of) with these helpful (and not so helpful) tips! Warning: Storm-eyes-osprey and Storm-eyes-Penguin do not take any responsibility for any injury, damage or extreme hyperactiveness caused by completing these tips! still interested? read on!
1. How to be a Demigod!

Hi! This is Storm here, with a slightly random idea, inspired by a quote that I came up with yesterday, when I had become a serious electrical conductor, and was receiving electric shocks from every piece of metal within a close range for the whole day. After coming up with the quote, my brother has been insisting that I wrote this, and I refused, until he threatened me with forcing me to listen to 'One Direction' (no offence, but I can't stand them), so I gave in, so here I am, writing this with added comments in bold by my brother, who has nicknamed himself 'Storm-eyes-penguin' **(Hi, I'm in bold, and Storm-eyes-penguin is a **_**super**_** macho name, so don't judge me.)** On that note, we have kidnapped Jason to make him say the disclaimer. Go on!

Jason: do I have to?

**Storm-eyes-penguin: *gives death glare and pulls out celestial bronze sword* care to reconsider?**

Jason: fine! Storm-eyes-osprey and Storm-eyes-penguin don't own Percy Jackson or the Heroes of Olympus. *Rolls eyes* happy now?

**Storm-eyes-penguin: Fine, Superman, but you can find your own way back to Camp.**

Jason: *flies away*

Storm-eyes-osprey: now that that is out of the way, on with the fanfic!

How to be a Demigod (ish)

Child of Zeus: Shuffle your feet really hard on a carpet, and feel the lightning! **(aka: staticy stuff)**

Child of Poseidon: Carry a water gun around in your pocket. **Enemies: prepare to get drenched!**

Child of Hades: if you have one, insist that your pet dog is a Hellhound. **Also, perfect your death stare *glares creepily at the computer screen***

Child of Hera: act queenish. **Or, just cease to exist!**

Child of Demeter: Comment on the nutritional values of cereal whenever possible, and talk plant language. **For extra authenticity, carry fertiliser. Everywhere.**

Child of Ares: punch things. **'nuff said? **

Child of Athena: read, strategize, plan, talk architecture. **Also, being a nerd helps. **Shut up.

Child of Apollo: Carry a flashlight in your pocket to simulate sun power when angry. **Basically, wave bright things in people's faces. Also, write awful haikus. **

Child of Artemis: wear a lot of silver and generally scorn boys. **I take offense from that.**

Child of Hephaestus: carry random wires and metal bits around, and fiddle with them at strange intervals, even if you have no idea what you are doing with them. **Also, 'forge' plastic swords in your bedroom (more fun than it sounds!)**

Child of Aphrodite: Give dating advice, and gossip. **Trust me. They gossip a **_**LOT!**_

Child of Hermes: Prank, steal, and selotape a pair of paper wings to your shoes. **Also, eating lots of Haribos makes you run faster, but also results in a massive sugar rush *grins manically whilst attempting to hide an empty pack of Tangfastics*.**

Child of Dionysus: Eat grapes, wear purple and paaarrtyyy!** Note: being a child of Dionysus does not give you an excuse to drink wine if you are under 18. Trust me, you get weird looks if you tell a bartender you can drink wine because you are the child of a wine god.**

Child of Iris: one word: **rainbows**

Child of Hypnos: Sleep, sleep, sleep and…..sleep! **Also….sleep!**

Child of Hecate: Shout random incantation things in Latin, and insist that your best friend is a mistform. **When people doubt that, show them a notebook with an outline of a person in, and tell them that you can summon them back into the notebook, but if you do, monsters will attack you.** Warning: this may also result in strange looks from the general public (aka: mortals)** they will cower under my supreme, macho penginess!**

And that, fellow mortals and demigods, is how to pretend to be a demigod, and the sort of crazy stuff that happens when you get me and my brother to collaborate. **I'm fed up of being friendly! *pulls out water gun and squirts storm-eyes-osprey*** Hey! *also grabs water gun, and starts massive waterfight with water balloons and water guns*

10 minutes later…..

*Throws last water balloon* don't forget to review!

***Peeks up from behind the sofa* and Favourite! *Gets hit by water balloon, and ducks back behind the sofa* **

Storm-eyes-penguin is not a real account, but (unfortunately) my brother is real, and feel free to suggest ideas!

The end…. For now!

Storm (X2)!


	2. Make your house like camp!

How to make your home like camp!

"**Jason! Do the disclaimer again, hon" *speaks in a trashy Drewish accent***

Jason: "Yes, Drew! Wait… You're not Drew! It's my kidnapper again!"

***brings out Laser-of-disclaimer-Jason-do-it-or-I-kill-you* "Care to reconsider, again?"**

Jason: "No! Never"

***Grins Manically Manic grin* " I guess Piper won't mind it if I kill her then,"**

Jason: "Anything for Piper!" *wipes tears away*

"**Do it!"**

"Storm Eyes Osprey and Penguin don't own Percy Jackson And The Olympians Or The Heroes Of Olympus, Though they did beg Rick to give it t…" ***Smacks Jason*** *brings out sword*

"**Now fly away and save your girlfriend with your flying un-supremacy"**

"Now that's over with let's start on these tips!"

**Selotape the chosen cabin number to your door and be obliged to protest that it **_**IS **_**a cabin when your parents tell you to go to your "room".**

**Find a doll and wrap it in toilet paper, then get a three legged stool and place the doll on top, take it to your attic whilst claiming it's the oracle.**

**When you're parents come past shout "Tidy up guys! It's the Harpies!"**

Find a bathmat or towel and hang it from any available, tree-like object, and when removed, proclaim in horror that you could have killed Thalia by moving the Golden Fleece. **I did that… my mum thought I was crazy… But I suppose I am anyway…**

Insist on putting some of your food in the bin each night, and tell everyone that the bin is a sacred brazier to the gods, and that you are sending an offering to (insert godly parent's name). _**Never**_** offer fish to Poseidon. It doesn't go down well…**

**Keep a stash of sweets in your room, labelled 'Ambrosia'.** If anyone other than you tries to eat them, yell loudly that they will burn to dust.

If you have siblings and you spot them up after bed-time, sneak up behind them and whisper quietly in a creepy voice: "You're breaking the curfew… The harpies will eat you now…" **Seriously, she tried that on me once. Scarred for life…**

Insist that the postman works for Hermes.** Also, ask for Hydra shaped mints**. Sea of monsters reference… Choose the- **BLUE ONES! **I was going to say that… *tightens grip on sword hilt*

Carry a toy sword around with you. Everywhere. ** Also, if told to put it away, either protest that a monster could kill you, or grab a random object, throw the sword to one side, and proclaim that it is disguised to prevent suspicion. **

When a stranger walks up to your door, discretely perform the sign forwarding away evil to prevent a monster attack. **Or, do it Storm-eyes-penguin style and yell 'Monster breaching the boundaries!'**

**Pretend to be Leo Valdez, that you're cellar is Bunker 9 and that there is a Massive ship called the Argo II inside it.** Or if you don't have a cellar, set up bunker under your bed.

**When one of your parents drinks wine, say "Mr D! I thought you gave that up ages ago!"**

**Play Capture The Flag **_**EVERY **_**Friday with your parents, siblings or pets**. If they protest, threaten to put them on bathroom duty.

**If you have a dog, Say it's a Hellhound called Ms O'leary**, a horse, insist that it is a Pegasus, or a pet bird, call it a stymphalian bird. **Or if you really want to be crazy, call it Festus.**

Move all the laptops, computers and phones into one room and say that if they are used anywhere else, they will attract monsters. **And if anyone moves them, yell at them. Loudly.**

Finally, when the phone rings, shout loudly: "Will somebody answer the Iris Message!?" **Great way to get on people's nerves!**

Now, next time, we won't be able to kidn- sorry, _borrow, _Jason, because we just received an angry IM from Piper saying that if we did, she would charmspeak us into jumping into Tartarus, so this time, we are capturing Percy and Annabeth!

**Kidnapping of Percy and Annabeth:**

***Sneaks up on them when there kissing***

*Prepares to knock Annabeth out with a wet flannel*

***Brings out The-Percynator-Whackor-NotABaseballBat-Disclaimertron-3000***

**Percy: Argh! Who ar… *Smacks Percy "Very lightly"* **

**Annabeth: MMMMmmnm! *Muffled words under the flannel"**

**Storm Eyes Penguin: To the Chopper!**

Storm Eyes osprey: We don't have one!

**Both: To the Pegasi/Beach Donkey!**

***Flies/walks home*** The donkey belongs to the penguin! He wasn't born to fly! ***Slaps storm-eyes-osprey* ***slaps him back*

Pegasus: Stop fighting! **(We're children Poseidon. We can understand horseish)**

"**Time to get Disclaimering"**

**Intro and bold by stormy penguin!** Seriously? Stormy penguin!? Anyway, we need ideas on what to do in the next chapter, so leave them in a review or send me a PM (_not_ an IM)! **Follow, Favourite and Review! Or I will get the 'I-kill-u-if-u-no-reveiwatron-wektangle-3000000000' and zap you! *manically manic grin* ** *Is severely creeped out* ***laughs crazily* ***grabs water gun, squirts at his face and runs* ** !£?$% ***whilst running* Revieeewww!

Storm (X2)!


	3. Make random things Demigodish!

Random things + imagination=….. Demigod tools/ items!

"**Percy! Wake up you broken down Festus!"**

Percy: Go to Hades! Oww… I feel like I've been possessed by an Elidon..

Annabeth: What the Hades… Where are we…

"**Marks and spe…. I mean a secret chamber deep in the depths of a random place… Yeah… I can't lie …"**

Percy: "So… You want us to do the disclaimer for the story… Ooh! Look! A The-Percynator-Whackor-NotABaseballBat-Disclaimertron-3000 ™! I swear I _have_ seen one of them before…

"**Do the disclaimer! " *Brings out Silence-I-Kill-You-Unless-You-Do-The-Disclaimer-For-The-Thing-So-Say-The-Thing-Or-I-Kill-You-With-Silence-P.s-I-Like-Twains-Dat-Run-On-Twacks 30000 **(Leo Valdez made it! He is in league with us… we DEFFINITELY didn't force him into making it or anything… *coughs awkwardly*)

Percy: "O-h-h-h-Kay… Both the Storms **Do not** own anything they do not own, like Percy Jackson or The Heroes of Olympus. Happy now you piece of monster dust? Now go wash your self away in the Little Tiber.

"**Get out!"**

Right… on with the tips!

Rolling pins make great Cyclops clubs. **Just wear sunglasses, and whack things! **Not people though, that would be dangerous! ***hums guiltily***

Ukulele's and guitars make good 'lyres' for any children of Apollo out there! **To go Apollo style and pair it up with bad Haikus, twist the tuning pegs randomly until it sounds horrific!**

Megaphones are great for yelling out commands! **Or to just alert when monsters breach the boundaries!**

Simple equation: **Sweets= ambrosia! **(Same healing effect!)

Another simple equation: **Haribos= child-of-Hermes-awsomesauce speed!**

Paper rolled up into cones makes great **(However severely non-functional)** Cornucopias!

Two words: **Plastic sword. **

**Go unicorn-style and stick hairpins in your hair like horns! And fart rainbows!** Thankyou for that….. interesting….. piece of advice….. I think….? Okay, fine, just WHAT THE HADES STORMY PENGUIN?!** It works! Don't judge me!**

Torches are _obviously_ the sources of Apollo's sun power!

**A note to children of Athena: **Carry bug spray! I think it works on spiders….

Plants prove child of Demeteryness. **Wow. Demeteryness. *claps veeeeerrrryyyy slowly***

You know those wooden bows you get in National Trust sites? Great for Hunters of Artemis and children of Apollo! **Also, if you want to go Frank Zhang on people, stick weird stuff to the ends of arrows to make them 'special'!**

Bedsheets make great togas, for any camp Jupiter Demigods out there! **This is from experience! We had a Roman day at our school, and had to dress up in togas and act like Romans! **I remember that! We had Roman names to, didn't we? Drawn out of a hat? **Oh my Gods. I just remembered that my Roman name was Octavian….** Run teddy bears! Run for your lives!** Don't worry! I'm not going to murder any beanie babies! Though, my teacher did have to confiscate my sword, because, apparently, my swordfighting was too realistic…** Yeah… I carried a knife (cardboard, of course) in my toga all day. Demigod instincts!

Finally, it is pretty much compulsory to turn any orange T-shirts into CHB ones!** Seriously, why do I not look good in orange. ***whispers* you don't look good in anything!

**Well, that's pretty much it for that chappie! **Thanks to Graystorm11 for the idea! **Intro and bold by meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!** Too many 'ees!' **Fine then! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!** You, are officially mental.** Yep! **Anyway, we still need ideas!

**Also, Just a random thing to keep things random, while we were writing this, a random person, I think it was someone checking out things for redecorating, came into our house, **but me and Stormy Penguin promptly put down the computer, ran out of the room, did the sign for warning away evil, and ran back in the room before they had any idea of what the Hades was happening! **I almost did my signature 'MONSTER BREACHING THE BOUNDARIES' , but Stormy Osprey shoved her hand over my mouth and dragged me out! **That, my friends is what happens when you are a Demigod. Harmless decoraters have the possibility to turn into a Fury. **Welcome to crazyness!**

**Follow**, Favourite and **Review!**

Storm (X2!)


	4. Be a Demigod in Public!

**How to act like a Demigod in Public!**

This time we have kidnapped…. **Ella the Harpy… this could be interesting!**

**StormdaPenguiscewl: Bob.**

**StormyOspy: Why did you say that?**

**SpecialPengu: Cos I can, so you got a problem with that cos I don't have a problem with that so you shouldn't have a problem with that and we need to do the disclaimer or I'll sue myself with a Sueyourself1.0.**

**Ella: One cannot simply capture a harpy**

**StormEyespenguin: Lotr! I'm so dam kawaii today so let's get dam started so say dam or I silence you with bubble gum and rainbow unicorns!**

And that, my friends, is what happens when Stormy Penguin eats too much sugar…

**StormyP: *Wraps pink cloak of manliness and holds out pencil to Ella* I am your manly leader and you will obey me so do the disclaimer so shazz..shaaa…shaaaaa…shazaaaaa…shazzza… shazam!**

Ella: Disclaimer…commercial law a statement refusing to accept responsibility for something, e.g. a denial of legal liability for any injury associated with a product…. ***Collapses on the floor* too. Much. In. for. Mation! Sugar ruuuuuuussssshhhhhh…**

Stormy: And that is the old Ella back… I'm guessing that that is her way of saying yes so… Onwards!

When the weather is not to your liking, complain loudly to Zeus. **Da big boyz getting angry..!**

Constantly try to predict who your friend's godly parents are, even if they aren't Demigods! **My friends are: Child of Dionysus, three children of Hermes and a child of Athena (Smart ar**… you know what I mean! :/) **

Compliment Iris on her rainbows. **SO KAWAII!**

Act wary around unnaturally tall people, especially with tattoos. **Lastigonians are everywhere! **

Stick with small guys who love enchiladas…. **AKA: Satyrs! **

When stroking someone's pet dog, state 'Lovely Hellhound!'

Try to Shadow-travel through trees in the park. ** *Lets out muffled groan* Children of Poseidon… DON'T TRY THIS!**

Instead of 'Oh my God' and 'What the Hell', use 'Oh my Gods' and 'What the Hades' **Great way to get strange looks! ** I know! A little while ago, my friend kept knocking my stuff on the floor in the middle of her house-block, and I shouted really loudly: "Gods, (insert friends name)! What the Hades?!" Everyone just turned and stared at me… It was really embarrassing!

Upon seeing cheerleaders, wonder loudly: **Empousa?**

At random moments, follow people with your gaze and murmur just loudly enough for people to hear: "Thank the Gods for the Mist…"** Another awesome way to convince people that you are completely bonkers.**

Every History lesson, ask your teacher if you're going to be learning about Greek mythology. **If they say yes, say smugly to your friends: "My speciality."**

Take your toy sword outside with you, and stab random trees for practice.

Curse to Apollo when it isn't sunny on a day you need it to be. ** Fboop you Apollo!**

Insist on taking up Fencing, archery or some other self-defence, then, when they show you a new move, ask if it will be effective on (insert monster name).

**Upon seeing a tall guy with a Cat, ask in wonder "Bob? You're alive?"**

Avoid holes in the ground with a passion. **Tartarus could be lurking anywhere….**

If you ever visit the Empire state building walk confidently to the front desk and ask for the 600th floor. When they deny, follow the procedures in the book.

Be wary in lifts, and insist on staying nowhere near the doors.

Go 'Leo Valdez' Style in technology class. **Basically, build stuff you aren't meant to, and throw screws across the classroom. **

That's it for today! Enjoy the Kidnapping of Leo Valdez!

StormyO: Where the Hades is StormyP….

***Charges in on Unicorn holding Vibroblade and shouting 'KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!' at the top of his lungs***

Leo: What the…?!

StormyO: You Just gave us away! So much for stealth!

**StormyP: I have a upside-down tongue on my name! p:! YOLO!  
**StormyO: Shut up and Grab Valdez!

**Stormy Upside down tongue P:** **For Yolo Swag! *Grabs Leo and puts him in a sack* Get on mah Horse Boy!**

Leo: *Sets himself on fire*

StormyO: Hahaha! It's fire-proof! *Shoves Bag on Unicorn* GoGoGoGo! *Jumps on own Pegasus Raven*

Both: *Flies away to secret base *coughMarksandSpencerscough*

**Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiwwwwwwwwwwwwww!** What he said, but with less repetitive letters!

**Sorry for not updating in Pegasi years!** (Demigod way of saying 'Donkeys years' )

Bye! **Bold and intro by meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, StormyPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP (cos' I can rhyme, and it's not a crime!)** you sound like Apollo gave you the poem curse. **Hey! That's not okay! ***slaps him*

Anyhoo…. Bye!

Storm (X2)


	5. How to be a Greek Monster!

How to… Act like a Greek monster! **(We're fed up of being Demigods, so let's be monsters!)**

**StormyPenguinPMan: Undo The Bag!**

**OspreyFace**: *Undo's Bag And "Gently" puts Leo on the floor

Leo: What the….. Hey You Two! Come Over Here

**Senpai: *Puts hand on Leo's Shoulder* Were always with you…*Does a creepy stare***

Senapi 2.0: Whats up with the weird names?

**StarhmehP: I have no *Gorilla* Idea**

Leo: Are you two going to keep arguing or are you going to tell me why you kidnapped me?

Ospreh: You are here to do the disclaimer as your services for the Whackornator's are not required

Leo: *Horrified Gasp*

**StormyP: Carrot.**

Leo: Wait… What did you say?

**Sp: Potato. **

Osprey: Anyway, Do the (**Stormy P interrupts by saying *Gorrila*) **Disclaimer!

Leo: *Sets hands on fire*

**StormyP: They never said the fish couldn't hurt him! *Slaps Leo with a cat***

Osprey: That is NOT a fish… And I am a Warrior Cats Fan!

**Spotato: IT LOOKS LIKE TIGERSTAR!**

Leo: Ummmm… The Storms don't own PJO Or HoO… Can I Leave Now?

Osprey: No

Leo: I fixed you sword… *Jumps Out window*

**Spouted: PEGASI ATTACK! Bribes DO NOT work! Also let's get on with the story.**

Osprey: You're calm today… *coughsarcasmcough*

Cyclops: Wear sunglasses and draw a large eye in the middle of your forehead. **In Sharpie! And, if someone comments on your 'eye', roar at them. **

Draconae: Tie toy snakes to your legs. **Alssso sssspeak like thissss!**

Kronos: Buy a grim reaper scythe and take it everywhere! **Also, bribe your friends into walking slow-motion whenever you're around to show off your power. *Looks hopefully at Stormy O* **Not happening.

Bob: love cats. **Need I say more? **

Small Bob: Be- **Kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!** Well…. I am very concerned for your mental health now. **Somebody cares about me! *weird arm flap* **He is actually flapping his arms at me right now…

Tartarus: **STICK A BLACK HOLE ON YOUR FACE! **Erm… I'm not sure that's such a good idea… **YES IT IS! DO NOT DENY MY KAWAINESS! **

Hellhound: There's not much _you_ can do to be a Hellhound, but your pet dog makes a great Hellhound in disguise! **Poodle. If you get the reference, you are awesome. **

Empousa: Go Cheerleading, hiss at people, Try and kill demigods in music rooms.

**UNICORN: **Erm, I'm not sure that's a- **YES IT IS! WEAR ICE CREAM CONES ON YOUR HEAD AND BE AMAZING AND SPARKLY! **

Giants: Try and walk as tall as possible, and carry a sword/ axe/ **machine gun** wherever you go. **Also, for a Porphyrion special, throw 'Basilisk' Gummy worms at people! **

Earthborn: Create extra arms in some way or another, and- **BE REALLY, REALLY UGLY!**

Dragon/Drakon: Growl at people as they walk past and pretend that it wasn't you.

Satyr: Walk awkwardly; wear a cap and long trousers to hide your 'goat' side. **Also, one word: ENCHILLADAS! **

**Arachnae: BE EVIL!** Note: Pulling couples into Tartarus is not a good idea, and results in many annoyed Fangirls/boys!

Fates: **KNIT EVIL SOCKS OF DOOOOOMMMMMM! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!** Please excuse us while I go and calm him down… *Drags Stormy P away by his hood.*

Later…** I'm back! Did you miss me in the half a second it took you to read between these two paragraphs? **Right, for once, I think you're going to be happy with who were kidnapping… it's our least favourite Goddess, Hera **the stupid!**

**Special Ops Penguin: *Creeps behind Hera with a LikeIfYouCryEveryTimeAnator 2.0 held up stealthily***

Opera Osprey: What Is THAT!

Hera: Hello?

**SpecopsPenguin: WHACHAWAWOOOWA! *Slaps Hera***

Hera: OW! *Takes Godleh Form*

Opera Eyes + **Specopspenguin: *Puts on sunglasses* Wow! You Look Weird!**

Opeyes: Release the net!

*Net flies out and traps Hera*

**Specopspoo: Hades Yes!**

Stormy O: Ever wanted to slap Hera? Well, now is your chance! Review with a random item you want to slap the 'Pain in the backside' Goddess with, and we'll personally whack her for you!

**Specopsypengu: This will be fun… *Evil cackles***

Anyway Review! **Aaaaannndddd…. Wait for it…. Wait for it…. Waaaaiiiittttt ffooooorrrr iiiiittttt….. RRRRRRRREEEEEEEVVVVVVVIIIIIIIEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!**

Demigodly Goodbyes from Storm X2!


	6. How to Slap Hera!

How To... Slap Hera! Queen-of-the-gods Hating special!

**Now... Lets begin with the disclaimer :D**

**StormehmehPlop: *Cuts the net with a AMZIINGHSGUVSGFCDFCFCF Sword* **

Hera: Wha... Where am I! I demand to know where I am!

Stormfacechaffinch: I'm not a *Gorilla* chaffinch!

**StormeheheheheyyyyyyyyyyySugar:** **DO THE DISCLAIMER YOU PILE OF SCHIST!**

Selfieosprey: Stop making weird names! Anyway, the dam disclaimer won't say itself... *Points sword at Hera's face*

Hera: What is this devilishly thought out plan?!

TakatakatakatakaOspeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeys: I'm not even going to bother with these names any more... Anyway, the plan was completely spontaneous. shut up and do the disclaimer.

Hera: Fools! I will assume my godly form!

**StormyPepsi: *Puts on sunglasses and plays "They see me rolling"* Do the freaking disclaimer!**

Hera: These fools do not own Percy Jackson and do not claim to own it... Happy now, mortals!

StormememememememememmemememememmeO: No. We will slap you now! *calls for the other demigods*

*A group of people run in*

**StormyP: I'm out of here 'cos I'm not needed anymore! Cya guys!**

StormyO: He actually left because I'm writing the next bit in story format, and he thinks that it is too boring... Oh well!

Sunglasses still balanced upon her face, StormyO ran over to the corner of the room, snatching a laptop from the ground and throwing herself onto the floor, swiftly logging on to the celestial bronze computer, the screen casting light into the gloom as she searched up Fanfiction. Glancing up at where Hera was still in godly form, zooming around the room like some weird, demented light-bulb, she searched up 'How to be a Demigod (sort of)!', and clicked the review, cursing to Hermes as the loading wheel replaced the mouse. Once it had loaded, she called out, eyes scanning over the comments.

"We need a-" Wrinkling up her nose at the suggestion, the daughter of Poseidon turned to the other Demigods. "We need a poop covered stick." Expressions of disgust swept over the crowd, but one demigod emerged from the crowd, a stick covered in a coating of pure disgustingness extended in front of them. Passing it to Stormy, They moved back to join the crowd, and the child of Poseidon stood, the poop-stick raised above her.

"Hey, Hera!" the glow emanating from Light-bulb-Hera faded as she shifted back into her human(ish) form, and whirled around as Stormy hurled the stick. It sailed through the air, then, crashed _ever_ so gracefully into the ground, splattering the queen of the god's regal feet with poop. While the goddess was preoccupied in a royal temper tantrum, Stormy darted back to the corner of the room, eyes flickering to the laptop screen.

"Ooh! A Frying pan!" Waiting in excitement as the implement was collected, The demigod grinned at Hera before running over and picking up the frying pan, raising it and charging.

"For Randomness!" the battle cry splitting the air, Stormy slammed the pan into Hera's head, jumping away quickly before the goddess could slap her in the face, being careful to avoid the _debris_ from her disastrous stick throwing attempt before. Tossing the frying pan to the side, Stormy beckoned to Annabeth who was standing in the crowd, and grinned.

"Slap her good." Smirking in a thoughtful manner, grey eyes flashing, the daughter of Athena, moved forwards, producing three beefburgers from behind her back.

"You like cows, don't you, Hera?" Hera whirled around, and narrowed her eyes at Annabeth, but nodded slowly, then let out a screech as a badly cooked burger hit her square in the face, then another landed at her feet, the final one slamming into her head and sitting there, like some weird hat. Smiling in satisfaction, Annabeth stepped back, then motioned towards the back of the crowd of demigods.

"Still like cows?" She asked, as the sound of machinery echoed from the back of the room. "Well try this!" Eyes widening in surprise, Hera found herself crushed under the weight of what appeared to be a dead cow, leaving the queen of the gods lying on the ground, showing off her inner drama-queen, screeching and flailing around like a dodgified octopus. Laughing, Stormy cast a glance back at the reviews page, and grinning, closed her eyes, focusing her attention on the ocean, drumming the sound of the waves into her mind.

_SPLAT!_ Opening her eyes and looking down, the demigod grinned as she saw a huge fish, flopping and writhing at her feet, still glistening with water.

_Sorry about that. I need some help with the goddess of Schist._ Speaking telepathically to the fish, Stormy stooped down and seized its tail, hoisting it over her shoulder and walking over to Hera, promptly slamming the fish down on the goddesses head. Suddenly, a loud smash sounded into the air, and Stormy looked up in surprise to see a figure, dressed all in black, swoop in through the roof, a dark shape flying from their hand, smacking Hera in the face before curving back up, flying into the person's hand as they disappeared from view. Glancing over to the other demigods, she was greeted with expressions of surprise, except from Percy, who simply shrugged.

"Batman, I guess." Shaking her head in confusion at her brother, Stormy ran back to the laptop, crouching down to get rid of the virtual pegasi doing backflips on the loading screen, and looked down at the reviews list, stifling a laugh as she saw what was next.

"We need a bus!" She called out, and was answered by a deafening crash as the opposite wall was smashed to the floor, a double-decker, open-top tour bus crashing through it and driving straight into the pileup of Queen of Schist Hera and a floppy dead cow. A screech splitting into the air, the demigods behind Stormy cheered as Leo, crazy grin on his face, leant out of the bus window, grabbed a muddy shoe and lobbed it at Hera's face before reversing the bus out of the hole in the wall and disappearing from view. Suddenly, before she had a chance to dart back to the computer, Stormy heard a voice from the back of the room, calling out loudly.

"My turn! Mooshroom coming through!" watching in confusion, the daughter of Poseidon saw the crowd split down the middle, and a red cow, mushrooms sprouting from its back, plodded out, walked over to Hera, and positioned its behind on her face. Shrugging, Stormy thought to herself. _At least it shut her up. _Before checking the screen, a manic grin spreading to her face as she saw the last request. Running from the room, the demigod ran along the corridor beyond it to see Stormy P, sitting on the floor, playing Flappy Bird on an Iphone, A look of frustration on his face.

"Drop the technology and put your hands in the air!" Yelled Stormy, before grabbing her brother by the feet and dragging him along the floor, before depositing him heavily on top of the dead cow.

"What the..." Flailing around on top of the pileup, Stormy P shot his sister an accusing look, before rolling off the cow and drawing his sword angrily. "Hilarious." he stated, before proceeding to chase Stormy across the room, leaving Hera to find her own way of removing a lazy mooshroom from her face.

**The End. (Of the Chapter)**


	7. How to Celebrate Christmas!

How to... Celebrate Christmas, DEMIGOD STYLE!

DISCLAMERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (Presented to you by Khione)

**Stoolypen: *Dresses Khione in Elsa costume* Ahh that's better**

StoormehOspreh: And, return of the stupid names. Why is Khione in an Else costume?

**Stormdapenguinisdabest: My elf hat grants me supreme power over the universe, and because I say so!**

stooooooooorrrrrrmmmmmmeeeeeyyyyyy: Eh, okaaay. Anyway, Khione-Elsa, do the disclaimer! *Points sword*

_Khione: NEVER!_

**STORMYP,STORMYP,DOESWHATEVEARASTROMYDOES: Yes, you will! WE AREN'T JOKING AROUND HERE!**

StorororororomeyO: Well... yes we are... *Lowers sword* If you don't say the disclaimer... *Pauses for drama* ...We'll make you sing Let it Go.

_Khione: FINE! THESE FILTHY DEMIGODS ARE NOT RICK RIORDAN, AND DON'T OWN PJO, NOR DO THEY OWN *shudders* FROZEN! THERE! *Poofs away in a cloud of fairy-dust and dandruff: or is it snow?*_

**StormeeeeeeeeehP: Eew, snow goddess dandruff. **

1\. Child of Zeus- Fairy lights... Bright, Electric Fairy lights... *Hanji grin* **I wonder if tinsel produces static electricity... *Rubs tinsel on face* Nope.**

2\. Child of Poseidon- Make ice sculptures... Minus the ice... **FROZEN WATER PISTOL FIGHT! *Chases StormehO with a water gun* DIIIEEEEE!**

3\. Child of Hades- Black tinsel, Black baubles, wear black, Be the Grinch. **Then surprise everyone by being happy on Christmas. If that is even possible... *Glares***

4\. Child of Demeter- **Make pretty table displays out of flowers... **And Venus flytraps... **Yell at people for disrespecting the Christmas tree. **Talk to the tree. **Tree is love... Tree is life...**

5\. Child of Athena- **Memorize loads of Christmas facts that nobody really needed to know. **Did you know that, since records began, there have only ever been 7 'White' Christmases in the UK? and it only ever snowed properly across the ENTIRE country on two of those years, 1938 and 1979.

6\. Child of Hephaestus- MELT ALL THE ICE! *EVIL LAUGHTER* **Or you could just mess up Christmas toys so that they say stupid stuff... *Concerned glance over to Stormeeeey O***

7\. Child of Hermes- Stinkbomb the Christmas tree! **Or put traps in people's presents... *Whistles innocently* **I'm not opening anything wrapped by you...

8\. Child of Aphrodite- Mistletoe... Mistletoe everywhere... **I SHIP EVERYTHING!** ***Shoves complete strangers under mistletoe***

9\. Child of Apollo- Too... Cold... *Crawls into duvet cave* ***Hibernates till spring* **Children of Apollo seem to hibernate. Interesting... *Takes scientific notes*

10\. Hunter of Artemis- Go on awesome winter hunts! **Wha- **NO BOYS ALLOWED! *Slaps*

11\. Child of Dionysus- Drink mulled wine (CoughMULLED GRAPE JUICEcough) **Don't underage drink, Kids! It's bad! Also, hold some awesome Christmas parties and comment on your partying skillz.**

12\. Child of Hecate- Make kind of weird, creepy decorations, and then tell people that you're getting them a mistfom for Christmas. **Also, tell Santa that you'll set your mistforms on him if you don't get what you want... *Evil laughing***

13\. Child of Nike- **WIN AT ALLLLL TEH GAMEZZZZZ **Calm down.

14\. Child of Ares- Pfft. Christmas is for wimps. **But the lights are so beautiful... *cries***

Aaaaand 15. Child of Hera- Sit in the corner and be a Biotch. **Don't celebrate. Just Biotch. **

*Waves hands* DOOONNNEEEE!

**Stormmmmmmeeeeeeeh PPPPPPPPPP: MERRY CHRISTMAS! *Shoots everything with water***

StormInASantaHat: *Grabs tinsel sword* Have a great new year!

**_Both: *Files off on a magical Reindeer/ Pegasi with twigs on its head*_**

***throws glitter and drinks MOUNTIAN DEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW***

*Knocks StormehP off 'Reindeer'* Ooops.


End file.
